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In just three weeks, I’ll be looking at this landmark eating these desserts with this woman:

That’s right, folks! The Alexander women will soon be traversing across Europe and coming to a city near you – but only if a city near you includes Paris or Amsterdam.

Beginning the day after Thanksgiving, Tam and I will spend four whole days getting better acquainted with the City of Light and will finish up our week visiting the Netherlands, where my sweet and talented mother will be doing a book tour for her latest novel, which literally will be coming to a city near you. Details here.

For now, I’m left to finalize a few last-minute details of our trip, including mastering the art of French metro navigation, figuring out exactly how many pairs of riding boots will fit in a standard carry-on, and attempting to learn some basic phrases in French and Dutch.

Since we’ll definitely have a translator with us in the Netherlands, I’m focusing more on French and have created a top ten list of phrases I believe will best aid me in exploring Paris and have included the logic behind each selection below.

1. Which way to Gilles Marini’s house?

A no-brainer.

2. More crepes, please.

Another no-brainer.

3. Yes, I am Debra Messing.

Just in case the French are huge Will & Grace fans who are easily duped and in turn invite us to a party hosted by none other than… Gilles Marini.

4. Did you know that France derives 79% of its electricity from nuclear power?

Knowledge is power, mes amis. #Wikipediaforthewin

5. Leggings are not pants.

The faster we take this message global, the better.

6. Team Aniston or Team Jolie?

Even the French take sides, people.

7. I apologize on behalf of Lance Armstrong.

I’m no Erin Andrews, but my gut tells me that the Tour de France is no laughing matter over there.

8. I don’t speak French.

Frenchman: “But you just spoke French.” Kelsey: (dramatic pause) “Or did I?” #mysterious

9. Where are you hiding Jason Bourne?

Can you say, “what’s the French word for ‘stakeout’?”

10. Thank you for the Statue of Liberty.

Because good manners never go out of style.


19 days to cross these all off my list. Wish me luck! Or should I say, “souhaitel-moi bonne chance?” #thanksGoogleTranslate

Adieu!

– Kels

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